(continuing ...)
My wife and I did recognize that our Indian children had special vulnerabilities to worry about. We understood that American Indians are statistically vulnerable to alcoholism, and both of the birth parents of our two Indian girls faced early death in which alcohol was complicit, so we were apprehensive as first Teresa and then Linda entered the dangerous adolescent years. Teresa has not avoided alcohol and may have had more experience than we realized, but this has never seemed to be a special problem for her. Linda experienced on one occasion an episode that was reminiscent of my own introduction to potentially lethal levels of intoxication, but this kind of behavior did not persist. The two children who we thought might be most vulnerable have not been the most affected by alcohol. With some help from the Morongo tribe of their birth, they have established secure lives for themselves in Pennsylvania.
Nor was Lora ever a concern. She was the “designated driver” among her partying friends. She was there with them but she was sober, or so we believe. Who knows why? Was her mother’s example being deliberately followed, or is this a coincidence? Although adventurous in many ways, Lora has always been the dutiful daughter; she earned two master’s degrees and found her calling in nursing and education.
Paul had less trouble with alcohol in high school than I did, but it persisted longer and gradually escalated after he dropped out of college and found his way into a fast life in Manhattan. Paul tended bar on occasion and even managed a bar for a while, so alcohol and other drugs were part of his daily life. Nonetheless, it surprised Pat and me when Paul decided that he was an alcoholic and joined Alcoholics Anonymous, which became part of his life for many years of dedicated participation.
This decision was a critical turning point for Paul, and he never relapsed or fell back from his resolve to rebuild his life, beginning with a very successful return to college. It became apparent after two abstinent decades that alcohol was more a symptom of Paul’s problems than a cause, but in facing his alcohol abuse problem he learned to deal with destructive behavior in all of its guises. Pat and I have always appreciated Paul’s intelligence and his potential for achievement, so his success in conquering his demons and realizing that potential meant a great deal to us. He is now a successful professional in the exploding field of digital advertising, building a career with a master’s degree in communications from NYU.
Krista’s experience in high school with alcohol and other drugs was probably typical for her generation. We did not recognize any problems until she was a young adult, exploring social relationships in new territory. For some human beings the path to addiction seems predetermined as a direct consequence of the initial use of addictive substances, but for others this is a gradual process that sets in only after years of incidental use of alcohol and other potentially addictive drugs. After Krista left the constraining influence of her home with us and entered the world as a young adult, her casual use of cocaine gradually became compelling. She began a downward spiral that led to serious crises in her life and sporadic attempts at rehabilitation. She found herself in the darkest of places as she approached her fortieth birthday and resolved to turn her life around. She completed a tough, five month program at a Narconon facility and then completed with high marks a training program that enabled her to become a certified nursing assistant in California. I truly believe that she is now permanently on the right path after several years of abstinence and responsible living. Her mental and physical health are now both excellent and she is beautiful again, inside and out. Her recovery has been a great blessing for everyone in our extended family.
(To be continued in subsequent blogs.)
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